The Eschatology of Parenting
— Wednesday, December 10th, 2008 —
Yesterday I helped a toddler clean up a 44 ounce cup of Coke Zero he’d spilled everywhere (yes, it was mine; and no, there were not 44 ounces left remaining in it when he found it). I answered forty questions about whether Jesus made Lego blocks (so stay tuned for my new sermon series on “The Logos and the Legos”). And I disciplined a tantrum thrower and a sulker.
All of that was about the end times.
When we think of Christian eschatology, we tend to think first of prophecy charts or apocalyptic novels, but nothing is more eschatological than parenting.
A parent disciplining a child, for instance, communicates to the child the discipline and judgment of God in ways deeper and more resonant than any Sunday school lesson (Heb 12:5-11). A parent who will not discipline a child for disobedience, or who is inconsistent in doing so, is teaching that child not to expect consequences for behavior.
In short, a parent who will not discipline is denying the doctrine of hell.
At the same time, a parent who disciplines in anger or with harshness teaches a judgment of God that is capricious and unjust. An abusive parent, worst of all, ingrains in a child’s mind a picture of God as a ruthless devil who cannot be trusted to judge justly.
Parental discipleship and discipline ought always to have repentance and restoration in view, picturing a God who is both just and the justifier (Rom 3:26). Discipline should be swift and fair with quick reconciliation between parent and child. Long periods of “time out” do not communicate the discipline of God; they communicate the isolation and exile of hell.
Parents who spend time with their children, especially at meals, demonstrate something of the harmony they want their children to long for beyond this life. It’s a longing to eat at another Father’s table in the kingdom of Christ.
Moreover, we should teach children to respect and acknowledge authority, attributes necessary for citizens of a democracy for a short time, yes, but more necessary for subjects of a kingdom forever. Teaching children to refer to adults as “Mr. Smith” or “Mrs. Jones” or “Pastor Doe” and to say “sir” and “ma’am” (or the culturally equivalent signifiers of authority) is about more than politeness. It is training children to recognize proper hierarchy and authority when the veil is lifted and we see face to face.
Those of you who are parents probably grow weary and discouraged sometimes. I know I do. It seems as though you’re not “getting through” sometimes, that your children aren’t responding the way you thought they would. Keep hugging. Keep kissing. Keep chastising. Keep teaching. This is a long-term project. You’ve got a long-term project in front of you. And there’s a lot at stake.
After all, parenting isn’t about behavior modification. It’s about Christian eschatology.
39 Responses to “The Eschatology of Parenting”
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Thank you — just shared this with my wife.
We’re currently dealing with a very smart and very advanced 18 month old little girl who’s learning to test quite a bit. And she can TEST! This was very encouraging because of the “long term” reminder — it’s not about just stopping behavior x.
Great thoughts,sir. I learned lots from this. One question though: I tend to agree with your statement about “time out,” but I wonder how you’d factor in the 70 year exile. Was that a time out? Would love to hear your thoughts.
44 oz. of Coke Zero? Really? I think a post on the eschatology of drinking bad tasting diet drinks is in order. The need to drink beverages that are not as bad as they could be for our body points us to the future, to a time when we will experience the glory of Christ in the new heavens and the new earth, to a time when “empty” brown water will no longer be our beverage of choice, to a time when we will finally drink of Living Water without the filter of our Adamic inheritance to mute the blessings of water to our pallet. :)
Dr. Moore,
Absolutely wonderful. I wanted to ask for clarification on one point of the post.
“Discipline should be swift and fair with quick reconciliation between parent and child. Long periods of “time out” do not communicate the discipline of God; they communicate the isolation and exile of hell.”
Could I not argue that “long periods” of time out are in fact a picture of God’s judgement, which is eternal. As you have said, it communicates the isolation and exile of hell, which is part of the judgment of God. (Did I miss the point? Were you saying “time out” could be beneficial in the sense that it communicates the exile of hell?)
As Gina and I are getting ready to have our first, this is a question near our hearts as we seek to be godly parents. Thanks for the thougths.
Wow! This post was incredible! Great truths to think about. Thankyou Dr. Moore!
Thank you for the encouragement to remain consistent in disciplining our children for the glory of God. I shared this with Corina this morning and we were both very encouraged to keep on keeping on!
After having to leave work during lunch yesterday to go home and discipline my seven-year-old son, I needed this reminder. Thanks.
Thanks for a great post. My wife are now in the first months of the “empty nest” and I have finally had time to think back on how we tried to raise our four kids. I had never thought of the end times when I was disciplining the kids. I just wanted the sinning and the misbehavior to “end” and there were “times” when it seemed like it would never “end.” Thanks for such a great look at our ongoing responsibilities as parents.
Great post! Thanks for the encouragement and the reminder that parenting is a long-term project.
Just discovered your blog and took a look around. You offer a refreshingly sane, rational, godly look at life, and I appreciate it. I’m off to subscribe now.
This is quite interesting. I will fully agree that a parent’s actions and attitudes toward a child will develop their picture of God–for better or for worse. This includes discipline. However, could you clarify one thing in your logic. It seems that you are saying this:
1) A parent who doesn’t discipline their child denies the doctrine of Hell.
2) Therefore, a parent who does discipline their child affirms and teaches the doctrine of Hell.
3) Parental discipline should be aimed at restoration and repentance.
4) Therefore, Hell is aimed at restoration and repentance.
I know this is not where you stand on the issue, but based on your argument, this seems to be the logical conclusion. Maybe this could be developed a little more?
-Alan Reynolds
Painful, convicting, like hard medicine I hate to drink - but vital. I know parents exactly like this, and I’m afraid to share this with them. Reason: It will be seen as an indictment - not by Scripture, but by me. Judging.
Great article. I’ve thought before that another reason to discipline children is because it create habits of submission in them. If they are regularly rebelling against parental authority they are at the same time rebelling against God. This is create sin habits within them. They have a harder time learning submission having been aloud years of rebellion.
Long periods of “time out” do not communicate the discipline of God; they communicate the isolation and exile of hell
Moses forty years in the wilderness before confronting Pharoah? Jesus, forty days in the wilderness? My own years as a single? Waiting is actually an essential discipline of the Christian life, and the nature of things is that you’ll always be waiting for something.
And for that matter - what about your own waiting to be a father in the first place? :-)
I can see what you were trying to say in the original piece, but waiting is a spiritual discipline in a positive as well as a ‘negative’ sense.
Everyone, Sorry I have been so delinquent to respond. I’ve been, almost literally, in one continual meeting since Tuesday afternoon. I’ll post on Monday about the question of “time out” and hell. In the meantime, I’m getting ready to preach on virgins and hidden treasure.
And right after Matt 25:1-30, I’m going to do 1 Cor 11:2-16 on men, women, and headship.
Well said.
Loved the article. I have taught parenting for public schools and other secular groups. Since retirement I have had the opportunity to teach in Christian settings. As you know many secular teachings are not Biblical. Thus I have been rewriting my curriculum using the Scripture. Thank you for the reference in Hebrews. I will add it to my lesson plans.