Will My Music Warp My Child?
— Thursday, September 23rd, 2010 —
Below is the latest “Questions and Ethics” query. Help me answer this question by telling me your thoughts in the comments. I’ll weigh in later. And remember to send me your real-life ethical dilemma to questions@russellmoore.com.
Dear Dr. Moore,
Like you, I am a fan of country music. I listen to our local country music radio station in the car, and have for as long as I can remember. I’m a mother now, though, and I now drive around with my infant son in the back seat. I am aware more than ever of the less than moral aspects of country music.
Now, I grew up (like you did, from what I understand) listening to country music, so I know that, in and of itself, it’s not going to drive someone to the Honky-Tonks or the divorce courts. But it’s made me think. Should I give up my music altogether, listen to it only alone when my baby’s not around, or just keep listening, like my parents did? What’s the ethical thing to do?
Coal Miner’s Daughter
Music is one of the most powerful influences on us. At the same time, there is a lot of good in many varieties of music (including country). Perhaps the best option is one that she didn’t offer up—and the one we really ought to apply to all of the media we consume: enjoy it with discernment. The problem is not country music as a whole; it’s particular songs. Likewise, however warped many movies are, plenty of others are worth watching. We should enjoy good art and change the station when something unprofitable comes on; it’s not an all-or-nothing situation.
Another important point the question seems to miss (though I think it’s easy for any of us to do this) is that if the music is actually unhealthy for her child, it’s unhealthy for her, too. While I acknowledge that maturity allows us to deal with certain concepts that we couldn’t when younger (e.g. We Were Soldiers is a brutal movie that can offer someone in late high school a helpful insight into just how messed up Vietnam was without being a good movie for a 10-year-old), certain things are always unhelpful. What those are, and accordingly where the line is drawn, will vary for all of us. What does not vary is that there is and must be a line!
I recall Matthew 15:10, but I would love to hear your take on this as well. I am currently working on a study for teenagers about what we allow into our hearts and minds. God Bless.
I’ll let the Great Scot Andrew Fletcher (1653-1716) weigh in on the matter: “…if a man were permitted to make all the ballads he need not care who should make the laws of a nation.”
Songs matter.
The music we choose to listen to, the books we choose to read, and the clothes we choose to wear both reflect what our appetites are and can influence our perception of ourselves. Children are less aware to this fact then adults are, and parents can intentionally or unintentionally shape the lives of their children to some degree through control of those materials.
Having to dramatically alter your own music listening habits for the good of your children would in my mind call into question your discernment for your own sanctification.
Parents are only temporary stewards of the lives God has untrusted to them and there will come a day when their control of the externals of their children’s lives will stop. Give them excellent music and artistic choices before that day. Don’t just leave the car stereo off but use your iPod and the music you’ve collected over your lifetime to demonstrate what amazing secular and spiritual musicians have done. The music industry doesn’t make as much money on the old music as they do the new, but good doesn’t go out of fashion. You’ve got a headstart on your kids, so use it. Look for positive examples and great songs that you enjoy.
Get your child music lessons. It will grow their appreciation and understanding of music and they will see the order and logic that underpins it as well as enhance their ability to identify talent and appreciation for those who strive to excel in performance. Learning to play an instrument is an education in many good things, all at once.
Finally, pay attention to the music selected by your children. Don’t write it off or ban it for the wrong reasons. Find opportunity to talk about how idolatry, seduction, and fantasy are hand-in-hand with the popular music industry and how it is marketed.
I guess the ultimate answer to this must first be peppered with our own experiences.
Now, when I was growing up there was music that was just flat out bad. But for the most part, I didn’t know what some songs were saying until I became an adult. Does that make it ok? Not necessarily.
One thing I always wonder is how we believe we can shield our children from everything. As a parent, you have the responsibility to set an example for your children. This can’t be done just by not listening to Hank when junior isn’t in the car with you. I also wouldn’t just subject my child to endless hours of KLOVE either.
Eventually, you child will be out in the world and will be inundated with all kinds of influences. There are some great secular artists out there even if they aren’t Christian. I think for my personal opinion that my child will be able to sample such music under my supervision.
I think that is what a parent is supposed to do.
I think everyone should stop listening to country music.
@Jeremy,
Repent!
I am “tempted” to lean on the side of the posters that talked about the ability to discern and diagnose the entertainment we consume…the problem is, where does that line stop? I could choose something arbitrary like no “R” rated moves…while leaving out the Passion of the Christ. I could say no “worldly” entertainment altogether, but how will that teach my children how to handle the noise and images they will be bombarded with?
Music IS powerful, and the notes themselves certainly don’t convey sin/holiness, but the words sure can. At the end of the day, we’re left with the words of Paul in Philippians 4:8:
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
I believe we all need to make sure these are the types of things we dwell on.
Looking forward to Dr. Moore’s answer!
Only if it’s Johnny Cash.
I like country music. Some of my my friends think I’m strange because there are times nothing would feel better to me than to listen to sad country music and sip a beer. I think people are strange who don’t understand that.
That being said, music matters. If it didn’t we wouldn’t have churches crafting services around music that appeals to a certain group. In my estimation there is music I experience at our church that makes me cringe. It’s bad, and that’s not just an opinion because I know it’s bad.
As for the woman with the infant she should be discerning for herself, and for her child. There are country songs that exalt sin, and country songs that lament sin. Know what you are listening to, and be ready to put it aside and not listen to it. That goes for any type of music. Be wise as the serpent is, and be ready to declare something unworthy. Keith has it right with Phillipians 4:8.
As for Jeremy, I feel the same way about the majority of music played today - Christian or secular. It makes me want to listen to a good sad country song and cry in my beer.
Just from a mom to a mom, I think a helpful paradigm for raising kids is to keep in mind that the most influential corrupting influence on our child is his or her own sinful heart. Thinking that we can maintain their innocence by external means misses the fact that they are really never innocent. That said, we need to use wisdom regarding all forms of media and entertainment.Again, from a mom perspective, instilling in them the fear of the Lord and living for His glory may mean you choose not to listen to lyrics that dishonor God.
I agree with Jeremy.
Ron expresses my own viewpoint very well, except that I enjoy sipping a beer to country music from both ends of the mood spectrum. As with any genre of music, country has many subgenres, so no blanket statement about whether it is good or bad could be credible in my opinion. I personally enjoy more of the traditional forms, along with what may have been called the “neo-traditionalists” from the 1980s and beyond. As examples from the 50s and beyond, I’d point to: Ernest Tubb and Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, Buck Owens and Merle Haggard, Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson, Don Williams, Dwight Yoakam, George Strait and Vince Gill… among many others.
Occasionally, some gospel music also slips in to country. It probably isn’t the kind of music I’d want to hear in church, because it’s often man-centered and not always derived from Scripture (some of it is likely rooted America’s Arminian-bent revivalist history); on the other hand it’s much more listenable to some of the music I hear in church, and the theology of the music is generic enough that I can take off my scrutinizer hat for a while and just enjoy the music.
I introduced my kids to Marty Stuart’s TV show (another fine Mississippi native!), and they’ve had a ball with it, pretending that they’re also part of the show. My older boy has drawn, colored, and cut out a couple dozen different guitars that he’s seen on the show and in books, and among others we listen to Marty’s music in the car. There are only a handful of songs that I would consider unsuitable for the kids. As Marty and his wife Connie Smith, and his entire band to the best of my knowledge are believers, they are generally sensitive in regard to the material that they choose to perform, while also embracing the many various themes of traditional country music. From a parental viewpoint, some discernment is always called for.
And in regard to this, I recognize as a parent that I as their dad am responsible for teaching them about God and His Gospel, and for helping them not only to know what they ultimately believe, but WHY they believe it, in the vein of Dt. 6. The buck stops with me, and so I also frequently am looking for good resources that can help me teach them, doing my best to put them to good use, and modeling an authentic faith that is consistent with what I teach.
@Dan, great comment. I couldn’t have created a better list if artists to represent country music. I found the Marty Stuart show online only a few months ago through a link from the Quebe Sisters band (a great group performing Texas swing at its best). Marty has a great show.
@ron, thank you. I had never heard of the Quebe Sisters Band prior to that episode, though they had also appeared on the show in Marty’s first season. I was impressed! Marty kind of opened the door to some of the artists I mentioned - and I forgot to include Emmylou Harris who is also becoming a favorite!
@Dan,
The Quebe Sisters are one of DFW’s best secrets.
I only briefly listened to country music in my young adult life. I gave it up because of all of the talk of condoned sexual immorality.
It became offensive to me, the songs were glorifying who was sleeping with who, whose girl or guy one could steal from another.
Country music has a catchy beat and yes occasionally the songs glorify God and country but, on the whole the themes were offensive and I gave it up. Guess what? I have not missed country music one bit.
Next ethical question:
Is it okay to drink beer while listening to sad (or happy) country music?
Answer: Yes, but only if its a good beer.
I grew up listening to country music because my Dad was a huge fan…that being said, I’m sure my parents kept me from some music when I was young and didn’t understand, but could be influenced. As I grew into my teenage years (I was saved at 8), my parents didn’t shelter me, but took music as examples of life lessons on right and wrong and applied them to Scripture. I think with music, as with other mediums that are ingested, it’s something that you need to be active and involved in what is going on around you so you can address it.
Friends don’t let friends listen to Country Music!
Its a great question. I tend to agree with the earlier comments that Country is best avoided altogether (with the exception of Cash) but here’s how I’d approach the question: when you listen to more “harmless” songs (be it country, pop, rock, whatever) and buy a CD, no matter how tame and tepid that material may happen to be, you are almost ALWAYS indirectly supporting the same music industry that also produces raunchy gangsta rap and death metal. I’ve observed this when I’ll hear a nice artist and, while looking into them more, will see that they will often have the same music label as another more offensive recording artist. Maybe the bigger question is, should we be supporting any artists who are a part of mainstream music labels?
@Rob, why does Cash get a pass? No other country artists are worthy of listening to?
Anyway, I do know we invest too much time with what the world offers. I’ve been reading David Platt’s book this last week and pretty much want to throw most stuff out of my house. Funny thing is if I threw away any CD’s many of the “Christian” ones would go before the country. As messed up as I am I still have taste.
@Ron, yeah, its not for lack of trying - I’ve just never been able to see (erm, hear) the appeal of country music. But something about Cash, especially if you’ve read his bio, just makes his music so much more powerful. Personally, he’s the only exception I’d make, but his message seems to transcend traditional country (he’s been “stuck in Folsom prison”, for goodness sake, unlike most other country artists who are just “cryin’ in their beer”…)
Country (Folk, Blue Grass) music is one genre that deals directly with sanctity & depravity, the two elements under which we all live our lives. Trying to protect your children from sin by turning off the country music station is a waste of time, some other temptation will eventually overtake them. At least the songs outline the consequences of making wrong choices…nothing wrong with a good beer (in moderation).
This link all the more boosts my appreciation of Dr. Moore! Hearing of his affinity to country music, I decided to dig a little further for some background info on that:
http://news.sbts.edu/2010/03/24/what-hath-nashville-to-do-with-jerusalem-russell-d-moore-on-country-music%E2%80%99s-relationship-to-the-sbc/
I spoke of revivalism as influential on country music in a previous post, but I have a sense that Dr. Moore has a much closer knowledge of it than I do. But as with him, I grew up with country music in the house. I left it behind for many years for rock music, but waded into country, no further than up to my knees, for a good number of years up until recent years when it’s become the predominant genre that I listen to.
From a male perspective, country music often expresses emotions with which men identify, but perhaps don’t care to discuss at times. It also allows domesticated men to tap into their spirit of adventure and wanderlust while mowing the lawn or doing laps around the track at the local gym (I’ve rid myself of “Wild at Heart” but John Eldredge has a point there!). This is not the life of my dad that I’m living, who - among other perils as a game warden - stood by himself in a small patrol boat in Lake Michigan with a gun pointed at him across the open water. Nor is it the life of my dad’s dad, who to the best of my knowledge fled from a mean stepfather and rode the rails in his teen years looking for work (no, he wasn’t Jimmie Rodgers!). Probably the greatest insecurity I can attest to are a couple of white-knuckle travel moments in Guatemala City and La Antigua while on an adoption trip, one of them being randomly chosen for a routine - but quite visibly armed -police stop of our taxi with our new son on board!
This story-telling admittedly is not “to the point”, but is merely intended to illustrate how country music signifies adventure, and to contrast my own more domesticated life with those of my ancestors.
In any case, I’ve made more than my fair share of comments to this post by Dr. Moore, and in closing I appreciate sharing a few things in common. It’s unusual to find simultaneous discussions of country music and an intelligent biblical faith, and I found myself too interested in the pairing of those two things not to participate! Thanks for posting this question, Dr. Moore.
After all of my rambling I realized that Dr. Moore’s question demanded an answer, and here is mine:
In regard to both our kids and ourselves we need to cultivate a habit of Scripture reading, as well as continued learning and understanding of the Gospel. That comes first, and refers back to my first post. We are not to be conformed (”formed WITH”) the world, but are to be transformed through the renewing of our minds - which can only come from God through His Word.
After that, it’s fully a matter of discretion that we receive through our freedom in Christ, though I believe with our kids that some filtering is needed. And in case the filter doesn’t catch everything, use it as an opportunity to teach, just as we are to teach the meaning - the what, why, and how questions - of the Gospel. The mind of a regenerated person WILL, by the power of the Holy Spirit in illuminating God’s will for us through the Scriptures, be able to apply proper discernment; and in accordance with 1 John 2 and James 1:27, God does expect us to live holy lives and to guard ourselves from being polluted by the world.
And finally, we must accept and honor each other’s convictions. I have a good friend who, after coming to Christ in his mid-30s, stopped listening to country music on the radio (my listening is nearly exclusively MP3 and CDs, since what I enjoy most gets very little if any airplay). Both of us are growing in Christ, and yet we’ve taken different paths in regard to this matter. He’s by nature more black-and-white than I am, but he’s also a mature believer and I respect him.
From my experience, the type of music we allow our kids to listen to does affect their hearts. If they are listening to music that talks about romance, especially from a non-Biblical point of view, they will be tempted and drawn into those thoughts. So allowing them to listen to this type of music is kind of like reverse discipleship. If our goal is for them to be molded into Christ followers with renewed minds, I would not recommend music with lyrics that will lead them in the opposite direction.
At the same time, I believe your kids will find out eventually what we as parents are listening to. Better to shed the music habit for the sake of Christ so that they don’t think we are hypocrites.
I grew up with a mother who decided that her children should only listen to “Christian” music and that that should not include any Christian rock (because she felt that that was disrespectful to God). When my older brother hit high school and rebelled (he listened to Metallica), she decided to relax the standard a little for me and allowed me to listen to anything I could buy at the Christian bookstore. The biggest problem with my mother’s philosophy is the fact that she was never involved in teaching me to discern what I was listening to and whether or not it truly honored God.
Having worked in Christian radio for three years now, I can tell you honestly that I don’t believe that all music labeled “Christian” is truly edifying or theologically accurate and I would NOT blanketly accept ANY Christian radio station as being appropriate for my child. A steady diet of KLOVE or any other similar station will only serve to promote what that station’s music director believes is Christ honoring. That may or may not adhere to your personal convictions. In my opinion, songs with weak or incorrect theology can be worse than songs with none.
Should I ever become a mother, I plan to be very cautious as to what my children listen to in their early years (since they would not be able to discern at that time) and then help them learn to discern what is appropriate to listen to as they grow older by talking through the lyrics and comparing them to Scripture. Obviously, some things would eliminate themselves (parental advisory labels, etc.).
@Christine, some good points, and a thought, on the subject of music labeled as “Christian” I definitely agree its a mixed bag, but one remarkable artist who definitely fits into the Christian category is one I recently discovered - a rap artist named Shai Linne. It’s not every day you find a Christian rap artist who’s lyrics make reference to subjects like William Tyndale, Spurgeon and reformed theology…
Worth checking out.
Might I timidly suggest that having a mother who likes Country Music is likely to be a more powerful influence than having a radio that plays Country Music?
I think it can be a healthy exercise to look at the music that I like and to ask myself, “Why do I like this?” For example, I find that I like “Big City” by Merle Haggard and “A Country Boy Can Survive” by Bocephus. Why? Because at heart I’m a rural Arkansan with a prejudice against things urban and non-Southern. It’s not a virulent prejudice, but it’s there nonetheless.
I suggest that my anti-urban, anti-Yankee prejudices (and Louisville is awfully close to the Ohio River, by the way), even if they were reinforced somewhat by music I heard while growing up, were planted there by a thousand things in the culture of my upbringing (and, of course, by the reality that rural Southern culture is superior to all other forms of human existence). Changing the music might have been a noble idea, but I hardly think it would have been very effective. It would be like trying to plug one nozzle in your showerhead and thinking that somehow you could thereby stay dry.
So, I should examine the music that I like, try to discern why I like it, ask whether that shows me anything about my own character that I don’t want to transmit to my children, and then seek the Lord for change in that part of my life. As my children grow to like or dislike music on their own, I should be tremendously interested about what in their souls are quickened by that particular song.
There is no way to shortcut evaluating music song-by-song. “Christian” music labels are increasingly owned by the same people who own the other labels. Let’s not fool ourselves into believing that any genre of the music business can be trusted implicitly. A “Christian” song with bad theology may be worse for your child than an empty secular song with little discernible theology at all.
Of course, some secular songs have a great deal of theology in them—much of it bad. Songs must be taken and evaluated one-by-one. Haggard’s “Mama Tried” is almost entirely concerned with a young man’s refusal to pass the blame for his behavior to his parents. If I were a Mama myself, that’s a lesson I’d want my kids to learn sooner or later.
Music is a gift from God. Music is powerful. Music is neither evil or righteous in and of itself. That is tone, rhythm, harmony, melody, silence, etc. are neither evil or righteous.
Everything God creates is good.
I do believe that children can be warped by ungodly uses of God’s gift of music if they are only ever exposed to ungodly lyrics in music.
I don’t know where to draw the line however in governing our children’s musical listening.
A wide variety of music is my stance for my children. There is great music from all genres and I’m hopeful to give my own children a greater appreciation of music, and God Himself, by exposing them to all genres of music.
My siblings and I grew up taking music lessons and having the freedom to listen to pretty much whatever we chose at any given time. My parents didn’t govern this part of our lives at all, except the occasional knock on the door of the bedroom to ask us to lower the volume.
I think my parents did it just right. All of us siblings today enjoy a wide variety of music and all have our children studying music as part of their education.
Two of my brothers are pastors, and all of us are serving the Lord in local churches. Two of us married professional musicians and one of us has a noted prodigy attending one of this nation’s top conservatories.
I’m thankful for all the music that I’ve fancied at different points in my life for the good and bad….because I do think it makes me more discerning of the difference!
I think it could be very easy to error here and lay down a command that is not a biblical command. We should not bind a conscience, but nor should we be a license or stumbling block for others to sin.
Dr. Moore may have the liberty to listen to country, but Dr. Mohler may only find his conscience allows him to listen to classical and some forms of jazz. Who is right… both if they are sensitive to Scripture and the Holy Spirit through their conscience.
Now, more specifically to the point regarding children. I believe their are times in our lives (even outside of music) where we give up things for another’s good. Probably at age 3, a parent shouldn’t be overly concerned if their child hears a few songs in the car a couple times a day. At ages 8,10, or 14 there are likely different answers ranging from it might be good to avoid, to they are mature enough not only to listen, but to discuss the message and “truth” (or lack thereof) in a song. I believe the best time for kids to listen to music is with their parents in a setting of enjoyment mixed with discerment. The same concern could be shared regarding listening to conservative talk shows or even some of Mark Driscoll’s more controversial topics.
Dr. Moore I hope your answer doesn’t go down in a Burning Ring of Fire. Hope you make some sense out of this “muddy water”.
This one is easy: just listen to country music BACKWARDS, and it becomes all about redemption!
People get their wife back, their house back, their truck back…
I, too, have an affinity for what constitutes good country music. My apologies to anyone who likes anything beyond 1988. I also love good rock and roll, so I’ll give this brief story because no matter how you slice it, the Led Zep lyrics got nothing on Conway.
From the mouths of babes…my wife called recently and said that while bee bopping in the car to some AC/DC our 8 yr old son(who also likes rock & roll) said, ‘MOM, DO YOU THINK GOD WOULD BE PLEASED W/THIS MUSIC’? She didn’t have an answer for that one, and I don’t either, but here’s my guess: the boy is better in tune w/the holy spirit than his parents and he had a moment of discernment.
I realize we want to protect our children from what ever we think will harm them. But sometimes in the music it gives a picture of lifes real experiences, One they may someday themselves experience. So I think it is good to see that others go through these things and that The child is not alone in them. So teaching them that life has both good and bad, and no matter what happens , with God we can make it through them. I know music is my refuse when something goes wrong and sometimes Country or any music can make you search your own heart and learn to deal with your own problems. Let you child listen, If they see you singing along and not being depressed, and enjoying life the will see that example first. And that is who the will follow as example.