Is My Music Warping My Child? My Response
— Wednesday, October 27th, 2010 —
A few weeks back I posted a question from Coal Miner’s Daughter, a mother who asked whether she, like her parents did before her, should play country music in front of her child. (Her question can be read here.) Y’all gave your responses. Here are my thoughts on the question.
When I was a very young boy, I came under the fiery chastisement of my grandmother because I was singing Conway Twitty songs. I think the song in question contained the lyrics, “I can tell you’ve never been this far before.” Or maybe it was the Twitty classic, “Darlin’, how I love to lay you down.” Whichever it was, she told me it was “nasty.” I can remember wondering how on earth songs about geography or napping could be “nasty.”
Sometime in my teens, I was humming along with Mr. Twitty and stopped to think: “Oh. Wait. I get it now.” And then I didn’t want to see my grandmother for at least six months or until I had completely forgotten about Conway Twitty, whichever came first.
My grandmother probably understood what you seem to: that music is powerful. It can embed concepts in the heart in ways that prose simply can’t. I tear up when I hear the song “Just As I Am” because it reaches me in ways beyond the purely rational. There’s a reason advertisers sell us “free” credit reports with catchy jingles, a reason why the old Arian heresy was put to music. Music reaches, and music persists.
A Christian shouldn’t be surprised by that. Perhaps the very first song-like expression we see in the pages of Scripture is Adam’s poetic exultation in the creation of his bride: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man” (Gen. 2:23). Of course, immediately thereafter, the evil Lamech offers another song-like set of lyrics (Gen. 4:23-24) when he boasts about his polygamy, his vengeance, and his murder of a man who fought with him. (This is kind of the Hebrew equivalent of “I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.”)
There are some forms of music (country, blues, hip-hop) which, by definition, deal with life as it is lived, with all the pain and sin and grittiness that’s part of the world east of Eden.
What you’re concerned about, as you should be, is the moral imagination of your child. You don’t want divorce or adultery or drunkenness to be “normalized” for him, in song, much less celebrated. That’s why, I think, the indiscriminate use of any kind of media for young children is to be avoided. You are in control (or should be) of what your children read, watch, and hear. That means you should be strategic about what your child hears, and the context you give to it.
There is some music (of any genre) that just shouldn’t be listened to at all. There’s not much of Toby Keith or Hank Williams Jr. that my boys have heard, and they’ll never hear David Allen Coe in my house. But there are many artists that raise issues that make you squirm that still ought to be heard.
Now, I know there are some who would tell you the way to avoid the problem is to do away with “secular” music. But what is secular music? Does the Bible anywhere command us to limit artistic expression only to “spiritual” things? There are songs and poems in the Scripture itself that speak of things ranging from murder to marital sex to the beauty of nature, and so forth.
Moreover, the “Christian” music industry is often, I think, more damaging to children than some secular forms of musical expression. Much of what plays on commercial Christian radio presents an antiseptic view of life, and often as well a trivialized vision of Jesus and the gospel.
Too often, what people want is not a more Christian vision of life but a happier, sanitized vision of life. These are the people who would think the Song of Solomon to be obscene, if it weren’t safely sequestered in the pages of the canon where they can’t get to it. And they’re the people who complain to the pastor that his David and Goliath message was “too violent” for little Connor’s sensibilities.
But this prudence doesn’t mean sheltering your child from the dark side of life and from the consequences of sin, even in lyrical form. Quite the contrary. Part of the power of temptation, after all, is to mystify sin as that which is forbidden and thus desirable (see the serpent’s line of questioning in Genesis 3). The sin is then presented as being free from future consequences (again, listen to the snake’s words).
The Bible takes the opposite tack. God never glorifies sin. He tells us about it honestly, including the fact that it is often temporarily pleasurable (Heb. 11:25), and then he shows us the wages sin demands.
Think, for instance, of the father’s counsel to his son in Proverbs 7 about sexual immorality. The father describes, in poetic detail, what leads up to such an encounter, why it would seem to be so desirable. But he gives the telescopic view of the sin, including the deadly end (Prov. 7:22-23).
I find it helpful to listen with my boys to, for example, Hank Williams’ “Lost Highway” and talk through the consequences of falling for temptation. We’ve listened to George Jones’ “Still Doin’ Time” and talked about how drunkenness enslaves and, ultimately, destroys. A song that presents sin, and even describes the powerful enticement toward sin, is perfectly fine in our home, as long as the consequences are seen as well. In many cases, country music (and some other art forms) present what few ever see in our culture: songs of lament from sinners about the consequences of sin. Combined with parental instruction, this could provide opportunity both to teach discernment about sin and to teach compassion for our fellow sinners.
Sometimes my boys and I will listen to songs with a viewpoint I don’t agree with, as an exercise in learning why people think the way they do. For instance, we listened to Brad Paisley’s song “I Wish You’d Stay” while I explained how awful divorce is, and how glad I am that God’s plan is for lifelong marriage, how thankful I am for their mother, and so forth. And, when listening to Loretta Lynn’s “One’s on the Way,” I asked questions to help them think through why the singer might feel so exasperated, but also why children are a blessing from the Lord.
If done in the context of relationship, such conversations can give insight into my children may never otherwise see up close, lives that might seem alluring one day from the outside. I want to give them, in an age appropriate way, an inside view along with all the false promises and illusory hopes waiting out there.
In some ways, then, the music my boys and I listen to becomes what country music often is, something of an Ecclesiastes set to music. Sex, drink, money, power; it’s all vanity in the end. But, like Ecclesiastes, I want to leave them with the word of exhortation at the end: “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth” (Eccl. 12:1).
And, as for Conway Twitty, my boys listen to “Louisiana Woman, Mississippi Man,” but that’s about it these days. Thanks Grandma.
What’s your ethical dilemma? Send me an email at questions@russellmoore.com
32 Responses to “Is My Music Warping My Child? My Response”
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Great & thought provoking article on subject matter that plays a powerful role in our culture. As I have wrestled with the issue music, especially in the context of ministry, my convictions have moved away from the typical secular VS sacred debate, to Phil. 4:8, Eph. 5:15-16 - meditation & stewardship. While I firmly believe we need to engage the world & have awareness, I reflect on the hours of my life listening to worthless messages, as well as the amount of money spent on artists that are not striving to honor God. That combined with the call in scripture to meditate on God’s word day & night and on the things that are excellent, pure, truthful, honorable, etc.
My question is how do we balance these issues as we seek to engage culture? Thanks Dr. Moore for your challenging remarks & integration of theology with life in a fallen world.
Dr. Moore, thank you for this thoughtful post. I heartily agree! While I’ve always been uncomfortable with “the indiscriminate use of any kind of media” - “Christian” included as well as the indiscriminate ban of any kind/genre of media.
My wife and I have come to a similar conclusion and seek to appropriately engage them in thought about the issues of this world east of Eden continuously pointing them to Jesus and the Bible.
Thanks again.
I love this! Because in our country-music-lovin-Grand-Ole-Opry visiting house, Conway Twitty was taboo because he “only ever had one thing on his mind…”
But Dolly, she was always welcome…
I think what you said about the modern Christian music landscape is dead on and what I have tried to explain in poorer words to my friends for years.
With the exception of some artists like Third Day, most are sacrificing music for the sake of catchy Christians lyrics that present a “I’m happy, you should be happy” mindset when sometimes you want to cry out as David often did.
How very sad that you feel you must expose your children to sin for them to see the dangers in it. Will you also allow your sons to view pornography so that they will know it is wicked? Will you put them in a room with rattlesnakes to let them experience the poison firsthand? Will you allow your children to take drugs so they will know the effects of it?
You have been deceived by the amazing power of music. There is not enough space here to put into words how unfortunately wrong you are about this topic.
One more thing: I doubt that our Holy God would ever want His Book (Ecclesiastes, or any other for that matter) compared to country music–a genre that not only endorses drunkenness, adultery, and all other forms of sin, but glorifies it as well.
@April Goetsch, Whoa April! There is a great difference between songs that speak of sin and its consequences, and watching pornography. Not all country music endorses and glorifies sin. Some of it actually speaks clearly of the problems with sin.
In our home we are careful what we listen to; we understand it is powerful. As it is I agree with Dr. Moore that much current Christian music is more of a problem than country or other types of music. It’s lyrically and musically poor, and yet our church leaders persist in using it during worship.
@April Goetsch, I’m using my husband’s account to leave this reply. April, I want to thank you for your passionate defense of scriptural holiness. I believe as parents we bear eternal responsibility for what we teach our children about sin. From the time of Eli, it has been too common for godly men and women to slip up in the area of training our little ones to love the Lord and His law. I appreciate a mother who takes the job of discipling children seriously, and I appreciate it that you are willing to hold other believers accountable in that task. That being said, think you may have misunderstood Dr. Moore. I don’t think his point was that we should expose our children to sin, but rather that we should warn them about it, using carefully chosen examples. This does happen in scripture. In Proverbs over and over again, we see a father exhorting and warning his son to uphold wisdom and purity, and to disdain the follies of sin. “Son, this is what an adulterous woman will do: She hunts young men. She dresses sensuously. She brazenly offers herself to the innocent, promising pleasure without consequences. Run away from her! She is a liar and a murderer. In the end, her house is a highway to the grave.” (Proverbs 5, 6, 7, 9).
In our home, we carefully measure every piece of media before it reaches our children. We do not casually listen to any music, waiting for a message to come. But, we are constantly on the look out for books, music, movies that can teach them about the deceit and folly of sin. Our rule of thumb is, if it has any details about sin, we throw it out. We do not want those images in them - for therein lies the poison. But, we do watch Finding Nemo and point out Nemo’s pride and rebellion, and the pain they brought. While an example of what we do with our six-year-old is rather innocuous compared to modern music, the point is the same. Pride and rebellion are very real heart problems in a young child - they are at the base of all others. As our sons become older, we will address more specific sins and follies in a similar way; that is, we will read books and listen to music that address immorality or whatever else without describing it.
You asked the question, ‘Will you put them in a room with rattlesnakes to let them experience the poison firsthand?’ -Of course not. I believe this is why Dr. Moore says that in his home Conway Twitty and Toby Keith are taboo. However, when we are walking through the woods, I absolutely will be on guard against encountering a snake, and I will not take my son into the woods without educating him about snakes.
Thank you again for your challenge. I need all of the heart-probing I can get. Your comment has reminded me of my need to continuously ask God to search my heart, to bare my iniquities, and to lead me to repentance - especially in my parenting.
What do you think about Ricky Skaggs & Kentucky Thunder? Here’s a genuinely Christian, genuinely country, talented artist who, if I understand him correctly, did something akin to shaking the dust off of his sandals on the way out of the country music industry. His actions and the subsequent direction of his career appear to be something of a critique of country music. Do you believe that his critique (if you see it as such) is a valid one?
But my biggest personal concern is, is it safe to listen to music that might have paedobaptist lyrics? I’m concerned about those Lutheran country-western music stars…
Ok…but Johnny Cash is still alright…right? ;-)
I think one of the best evangelistic songs I have every heard will never be sung in a church. I Met Jesus in a Bar by Jim Lauderdale
I agree with you Ron, that most of the so-called Christian music of today is lyrically and musically poor. I will even go so far as to call it a mockery of true worship to our great God. It is truly a sad commentary of what worship has become.
However, I disagree about the difference between sinful music and sinful entertainment such as pornography. Sin is sin–whether you are watching it, or listening to it.
I must also disagree with Brian’s wife about the examples in Proverbs. Yes, Solomon warns his son over and over about sin–and even specific sin. You used the example of the adulterous woman who is mentioned many times in Proverbs. I would like to point out that Solomon did not take his son to an adulterous woman to say, “Now look her over carefully. See firsthand how lewd and sensual she is. Spend time with her so you will know that she is wrong.” On the contrary, he said things like, “Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house.” (Proverbs 5:8) In fact, when Solomon saw the woman in Proverbs 7, there is no mention of his calling for his son to come to the window to see her for himself.
He also told his son where he could get the direction he needed for his life. “Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding; If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures; Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord giveth wisdom. Out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.” (Proverbs 2:3-6)
Solomon continually pointed his son to the truth of God’s Word, knowing that the Holy Spirit would guide him into the truth he needed concerning sin and the world. Over and over he tells his son to flee from sin–and anything even remotely related to wickedness.
Here it is, in the simplest way to say it: we like what we like, and many people are willing to change their principles to justify why their “likes” really are okay. If you like country music, come right out and say it. Just don’t try to make it spiritual.
@April Goetsch, Like Brian’s wife I also appreciate your passion. I actually agree with your last statement. I like country music, and do not try to over-spiritualize it, but I do think of God’s glory when it is done well. I do consider that the people who do it well are gifted and thank God that he gifts people musically.
I suspect you have something you enjoy that is temporal and a certain group of people would dislike or disapprove. Do you wear jewelry? If you do there are professing Christians who would tell you why it is wrong - which some jewelry does raise an eyebrow with me, but not all. The point is there are temporal things that we should avoid. I know I should avoid certain songs or artists but that does not mean the entire genre is harmful.
I can recall, as a 17 year old, listening for the first time to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. Very dark, but as a musical accompaniment to Ecclesiastes one can’t do better, at least until you get to Chapter 12. Radiohead is similar, but in the right setting it can make an unbeliever think (it certainly made me think). U2 are all over the place; their last effort was lyrical drivel in places, genius in others.
Good art tells the truth well, bad art doesn’t.
But David Allen Coe wrote the perfect country and western song!
I agree with April.. It is never good to expose your child to sin so to warn them.. For some kids that could work for some you could be introducing them and sending them down a path that you did not intend for them to go.. I think between what we have learned in our own sinful life and the examples in the Bible we have enough to share with our kids what to stay away from. How do you know Dr. Moore that your child isn’t listening to worse while alone and saying well my Dad lets me listen to this with him this type of music isn’t really any different.. Music is one of the most powerful methods Satan uses to pull children/teenagers and adults down a slippery road.. I can tell you if a kid acts rebellious in any way he or she is listening to ungodly music. It is just a fact.. So to use music like country which is even more deceiving then rock to share with people is a mistake. The lines in country music are blurred.. You can say it’s not as bad as the rock world but the sin is there they just hide it with a smile and a country accent. The singers live the same lifestyle.. Also why would you want to waste your time on earth listening to something that does nothing to glorify the Lord.. You can be worshiping the Lord and giving Him glory through godly music instead.. Also it would be better to teach our children holiness.. it is a lot easier to know what sin is when you are striving for holiness. Help your child be sensitive to sin instead of desensitizing them by allowing them to listen to “certain” artist in the name of a teaching lesson..
Now if you don’t have a problem with country music then just say your standard draws this line, but don’t do it in the name of a teaching lesson..
what about the *mood* that the music itself sets?
music is about much more than the lyrics. I can think of many songs that i wouldn’t want my kids to hear, not because of the lyrics, but because it leads to feelings of darkness or aggression or just feeling down…
I love to sing the song Promises by Randy Travis. It’s about a man who drinks and cheats and one day his wife has had enough and leaves. It tells the story of so many lives, my grandmother lived that life.
I talk to my daughter like you do about the music we listen to. When it glorifies sin, we talk about the reality that the song leaves out.
I think music is a great story teller, and a great door to discuss life with your kids.
I am also known as ‘Brian’s wife’. As I read over all of the comments this post has generated, I can’t help but chuckle. I don’t even like Country music. I’m a high-church preferring, classical literature reading, Vivaldi listening kind of girl. 98% of the music we listen to in our home is Fighter Verse scripture memory songs (thank you, Children Desiring God!).
But I do not believe this post is about Country music. And I think it is ludicrous to say that it is about making something sinful sound righteous because you enjoy it. In our home, we are very passionate about pouring the Word of God into our children. It is our most important job - one of few things we can give them that will not burn away. We take Deuteronomy 6 very seriously. To me, this is what this post has been about - that is, very carefully, very cautiously choosing age-appropriate examples of the world’s way of doing things and then holding those things up to the Light. We work very hard to make sure that everything we encounter is measured against the Word of God, so that each member of our family can be trained in righteousness, complete, and equipped for every good work. That means that in October we do not shun Target, but rather we go - we go and when my children point out the brightly colored and friendly looking advertisements with witches and Jasper-like ghosts, we talk first about what the Bible says about the super-natural, then about how the world often paints ugly and hurtful things to be beautiful and fun.
Regarding April’s statement, “I would like to point out that Solomon did not take his son to an adulterous woman to say,Now look her over carefully. See firsthand how lewd and sensual she is. Spend time with her so you will know that she is wrong.”, I am very sorry that she thought that this is what I meant. When I say that if something has any details about sin, we throw it out, what I mean is that we absolutely do not want our children to look any sin over carefully. There is a big difference between a song saying “I met a girl at a bar and followed her home and now my life is ruined” and one that says “I saw a girl and this is what she was wearing and this is what I was thinking and this is what we did.” When our sons are old enough to be ensnared by an immoral woman, we will absolutely use the first kind of song in conjunction with “If you live according to the flesh you will die, but if, by the Spirit, you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live” (Romans 8). The second kind of song, however, is exactly what we are training our sons, as well as our selves to run away from. Shun those songs, those movies, those magazines, those books. Always, without exception. To use our explanation over a recent Sesame Street movie that we threw away “it is not worth digging through the trash to get the m&m.”
I will first offer these summary points:
- I agree with some parts of what April said, but I believe that her last sentence, “Just don’t try to make it spiritual” misses the mark. It prejudges country music as secular and profane, thereby failing to recognize Dr. Moore’s first point.
- Many believers take pains to say why we *shouldn’t* listen to country music or expose our kids to it, as opposed to why we *should* immerse ourselves in Scripture and develop a Christian worldview (Rom 12:2). If we do the latter – which requires effort - we will be able to rightly handle any cultural exposure, and as Dr. Moore alludes, we can apply our filters of decency as God’s Word informs us.
- 1 Tim 4:4-5, Paul advises in context of an ascetic false gospel, “For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer.” Ignoring the lyrics and their messages for the moment, the music is good.
- Regarding the lyrics and messages, will not all draw the line of acceptability in the same place; that calls for discretion, as with many controversial things dealt with in the NT. We are not to judge each other based on varying convictions.
- Discretion flows from a desire to please God and love our neighbor, resulting from our death to sin and our new life and freedom in Christ (Romans 6).
None of this is to say that I don’t occasionally picture myself in the singer’s role.
In most songs at most times, I’m just an observer or a listener to a story. I occasionally imagine myself as the guy who’s escaping the big city for some hassle-free wide-open space; if we hear a song describing a situation where the singer’s marital fidelity is on the line, we can use it to prepare ourselves or even to identify our own past failures, knowing that in Christ we are forgiven. Regarding Twitty’s risqué material, I could never get past his perm! But as a child, I can’t say I was warped to the extent of developing a lifelong smoking habit, although I did watch “Captain Kangaroo”.
Humor aside, I’ve never found myself in a honky-tonk trying to drown my sorrows, but I’ve imagined myself there, and it doesn’t take country music for me to dream up improper ways to handle an argument with my wife. As a sinner, I know quite well enough how to do that on my own, so why pretend otherwise? And why scapegoat the music for my own sin? Honestly, any wise person knows that songs such as “Take This Job and Shove It” are childish, though the frustrations of the working life are real, and valid.
Inevitably, teaching our kids is a tough job. We need to know Scripture because we need the Gospel, and our kids need it too. First and foremost we need to be good at that so that they can grow up confidently with a Christian faith that’s intelligent enough to stick with when challenged, and satisfying enough to the mind and heart that nothing else the world may offer can cause them to take their eyes off of the prize. Country music in its various forms is a gift, containing many real-life lessons and providing rich variety and color to life. While we need to be on our guard for attacks against our weaknesses, I believe we can, in moderation, kick back and (even with a beer if our conscience allows) listen to some skillfully played music, and hear people express stories and ideas with which we can identify. While the music won’t be mistaken for classical in its complexity, it is stiil a beautiful thing, and one way that a dad can build his relationship with his boys and teach them discernment, in an enjoyable way.
Thanks again Dr. Moore for your post! I have enjoyed this subject thoroughly.
p.s. Ricky Skaggs - thumbs up. He left major-label mass-market country and has largely gone with traditional bluegrass music with a healthy dose of Gospel. He hasn’t left country, he’s just gone home to where his heart is. A recent album is “Songs My Dad Loved”: “When Hobert Skaggs’ brother and musical partner died in World War II, he vowed that if one of his children ever showed interest in music, he would teach them to how to play the mandolin. Now, fifty years after picking up that mandolin, Ricky Skaggs celebrates the man who caused him to fall in love with music. ” Truly warped!
http://www.skaggsfamilyrecords.com/index.htm?inc=80&prod_id=3933&sid=11702
I believe Dr. Moore has it right. My view is that the morality of country music is primarily within the lyrics and the messages that they convey. To lump all country music together as inherently sinful is both prejudicial and moralistic. Also, admonitions such as “if you like country music, just come right out and say it but don’t make it spiritual” introduces an unnecessary division of sacred vs. secular, as Dr. Moore pointed out.
If we are truly believers, we need not worry about whether country music will warp our kids; by nature we were “warped” already from the point of our conception, and hell-bent long before we ever heard a single note of country music. If anything, we ought to concern ourselves with whether our teaching and modeling of the Gospel to our kids is clear enough to be used by God to “straighten” our already-warped offspring. That takes more effort and diligence than barricading and moralizing, but in the end it gives them a Gospel they can grow with for a lifetime.
Country music offers many great case studies with which to sharpen our discernment while we enjoy this simple gift of God to us (if it is valid to extend 1 Timothy 4:4-5 beyond merely food and marriage). Frankly, a serious person like me needs music to lighten himself up a little. I can’t say that I never use music inappropriately, but for example, if there is anger or frustration within me, the problem lies within me first and foremost.
With the exception of Dwight Yoakam, I can’t be considered a fan of anything that remotely passes for newer country music (classic rock and roll man here, than you very much!). My daughter, however, wants to listen to country radio sometimes in the car. One evening, while traveling with a co-worker in a facility owned vehicle (we were out on a job), he wanted to listen to country and I didn’t care since he was driving. However, I counted five songs in a row that used either the word “beer” or “whiskey”. That’s one big reason why I’m not to keen on my daughter listening.