Is the Orphan My Neighbor?
— Thursday, October 7th, 2010 —
Posted originally at Q Ideas.
I will never forget seeing her pull the measuring tape out of her purse as she talked about the skull of her child.
The woman, standing in an airport in Russia with my wife and me, was, like us, an American. She, like us, was in the former Soviet Union to pursue adoption. But she was worried. She had heard “horror stories” about fetal alcohol syndrome and various other nightmares. She said that the measuring tape was for gauging the size of the craniums of her potential children, to “make sure there’s nothing wrong with them.”
The reason I think about this conversation so much these days is because I am finding—more and more often—that one of the primary obstacles for Christians in advocating for the fatherless can be summed up right there in that measuring tape: the issue of fear. As much as we might not want to admit it, many of us don’t think much about orphans because, frankly, we’re scared of them.
Orphans are unpredictable. Often we don’t know where they’ve come from, what kind of genetic maladies and urges lie dormant somewhere in those genes. Moreover, in virtually every situation of fatherlessness, there is some kind of tragedy: a divorce, a suicide, a rape, a drug overdose, a disease, a drought, a civil war, and on and on. We’d rather not think about such things, and we’re afraid often of what kind of lasting mark they leave on their victims.
Those of us who know Christ ought to recognize that fear is often a deterrent to justice, a deterrent that has been indicted, crucified, and buried in the triumph of Jesus. In Jesus’ story of the so-called “good Samaritan,” after all, Jesus presents us with a man who “fell among robbers” and was beaten, nearly to death (Lk. 10:30). With little commentary on why, Jesus tells us, simply, that two passers-by, both religious officials, moved on to the other side, to avoid the wounded man (Lk. 10:31-32).
While many have speculated that there might have been theological reasons behind their neglect (the fear of becoming ceremonially unclean from touching a corpse), the most compelling reason I’ve ever heard was from Martin Luther King, Jr., who wondered whether the passers-by were simply afraid.
After all, there were no streetlights on the road from Jerusalem to Jericho—the setting of this story. There was no police force. A man beaten by terrorists is a good signal that the evildoers are still about, perhaps hiding in the caves along the roadside, lying in wait for their next victim. Moving on along, quickly and quietly, probably just seemed like prudence.
But Jesus never was one for justification by prudence alone. He praised a Samaritan—a reviled outcast from the official religious structures—for the compassion he demonstrated toward this man. And the compassion Jesus commended—and commanded from us in imitation—wasn’t mere charity. The Samaritan didn’t simply help the beaten man; he gave him his own animal, set him up in an inn, and paid for all his expenses for his ongoing care (Lk. 10:34-35). Any Israelite hearing this account would have seen immediately what was going on. The Samaritan was treating the beaten man like family.
Right now, there is a crisis of fatherlessness all around the world. Chances are, in your community, the foster care system is bulging with children, moving from home to home to home, with no rootedness or permanence in sight. Right now, as you read this, children are “aging out” of orphanages around the world. Many of them will spiral downward into the hopelessness of drug addiction, prostitution, or suicide. Children in the Third World are languishing in group-homes, because both parents have died from disease or have been slaughtered in war. The curse is afoot, and it leaves orphans in its wake.
Not every Christian is called to adopt or to foster children. And not every family is equipped to serve every possible scenario of special needs that come along with particular children. Orphan care isn’t easy. Families who care for the least of these must count the cost, and be willing to offer up whatever sacrifice is needed to carry through with their commitments to the children who enter into their lives.
But, while not all of us are called to adopt, the Christian Scriptures tell us that all of us are called to care “widows and orphans in their distress” (Jas. 1:27). All of us are to be conformed to the mission of our Father God, a mission that includes justice for the fatherless (Exod. 22:22; Deut. 10:18; Ps. 10:18; Prov. 23:10-11; Isa. 1:17; Jer. 7:6; Zech. 7:10). As we are conformed to the image of Christ, we share with him his welcoming of the oppressed, the abandoned, the marginalized; we recognize his face in the “least of these,” his little brother and sisters (Matt. 25:40).
The followers of Jesus should fill in the gap left by a contemporary Western consumer culture that extends even to the conception and adoption of children. Who better than those who have been welcomed by Christ to care for the most feared and least sought after of the world’s orphans? After all, who are we, as those who are the invited to Jesus’ wedding feast? We are “the poor and the crippled and the blind and the lame” (Lk. 14:21). Since that is the case, Jesus tells us, we are to model the same kind of risk-taking, unconditional love (Lk. 14:12), the kind that casts out fear.
Yes, orphan care can be risky. Justice for the fatherless will sap far more from us than just the time it takes to advocate. These kids need to be reared, to be taught, to be hugged, to be heard. Children who have been traumatized often need more than we ever expect to give. It is easier to ignore those cries. But love of any kind is risky.
The Gospel means it’s worth it to love, even to the point of shedding your own blood. After all, that’s what made a family for ex-orphans like us.
Posted originally at Q Ideas.
22 Responses to “Is the Orphan My Neighbor?”
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Wow. Guess I know what was on God’s mind today! I wrote about this on my blog, as did several friends…as did you ( albeit far more eloquently than the rest of us!) We all had this burden on our hearts today…..independent of each other. I think god is trying to say something. I’m glad some of us are listening!
Thank you thank you thank you for your words. May MANY hear them….
blessings, Keri
@Keri Cahill,
and blessings to you, my dear Keri . . . as you and Anya and Nast have been one of the many points of clarity God has used to affirm the call to adoption upon Michael and me. . . Please pray for us as He continues to light up our muddy but trustworthy path toward the Celestial City . . . =-]
Much love . . . through Christ, our Brother and our Savior . . .
Your sister,
Christine
I have experienced this fear in our adoption of Mya. Irrational thoughts can easily creep in and haunt parents of children adopted from different biological genes. Much could be said in response to this fear, but I am usually arrested by one simply question, “What is the alternative? That they rot away in a third world orphanages or cycle through the American foster care system?” That is no alternative. I preach to myself that God always provides the resources for his people to do what he has called them to do.
There is something to say though for a robust theology of suffering to be married to a robust theology of adoption. I fear that if we don’t work to have these concepts as parallel strains we’ll set ourselves up for disillusionment and pain. For most people, adoption is not sexy. It is not easy and it is not “fun”. What part of the Christian life is those things? But obedience always leads to blessing and the Cross always leads to a resurrection but these realities make not be fully realized even in this life. We long for the one who will come and make all things right.
So let’s proceed in faith as God’s people on God’s mission to declare and demonstrate the truth of his word to those who are most needy and broken among us. It won’t be easy and our fears will always tempt us to despair but an onlooking world needs to see radical generosity and God is pleased when we display the reality of our adoption to those who most need it.
Thank you for writing this.
About that lady measuring the orphan’s head:
I guess we all have ‘tape measures’ for one another, don’t we?
But for a child, bereft of parents, and in need of care . . . ?
cranial capacity?
Dear Lord, please help me to understand this without judgment.
@Christiane,
Not capacity, an enlarged head is often an indicator of FAS. We each need to know what are limitations are. My husband and I did not adopt the first five children that we met because we knew that their issues were larger than we are equipt to handle. The two that we did adopt have issues of their own, which makes them a double handful, but they’re issues that I am at least able to understand and, hopefully, help them to understand,
Hope that helps,
Mary Lee
Thank you so much for writing this. It has been on many of our hearts for a long time.
3 of our children are adopted. Two are from Ukraine. That measuring tape story just gets me every time. Our daughter’s have special needs. Don’t we all? LOL
They have blessed us so much and we would love to adopt again and again and bring them all home to love and cherish.
I am going to make a link to your post from my blog. :)
Thanks for writing. :)
If willing to address the crisis of fatherlessness, this is the very thing we are doing here in the states for orphans.
Be an orphan’s family for 4 weeks starting mid-December. Over 300 orphans just waiting for the invitation to spend the Christmas holidays with a loving family.
http://www.newhorizonsforchildren.org
As you said, “Who better than those who have been welcomed by Christ to care for the most feared and least sought after of the world’s orphans?”
As one who sometimes get frozen by the unknown, I give my wife credit that in the case of our adoption, she wasn’t. But sure, when we received our referral there was an intense mystery as to what he’d look like. Our boy came to us from Guatemala. He was slow to warm up to me, but that’s three years ago. These days he’s my little sports freak, and a good-looking one in my humble opinion! No regrets. Zero. In fact, knowing what we know now, we’d have regretted NOT adopting.
Powerful reminder. Thank you.
I was adopted into a large adoptive family from an orphanage by Americans living in my birth country. Oh, the risks they took! This was 40 years ago, before the day of “tape measures.” My husband and I have chosen to adopt as well and adopt special needs children privately and from foster care. No price is too great for a soul. This is my first time on your blog and I have a question which perhaps you would have time to answer. You speak strongly from the Bible about adoption. But so do a lot of other people. Yet, these same people make a place for the dissolution of the binding legal agreement they signed committing their life to their child. Each time we bring another child into our home, all from difficult circumstances, we commit to their life time and to their souls. I’m often criticized as someone who doesn’t “know” how hard it is to go through a dissolution and doesn’t understand the circumstances leading up to a dissolution. This couldn’t be further from the truth. While all our children have received healing within a short time of entering our family, in my growing up family that was not so with one sibling. The pain he brought to my family was unspeakable. But the healing and restoration God brought about following tragedy is something our family would have never experienced had my parents given up. What place does adoption dissolution have in the place of a Christian? Thank you in advance for your response! Blessings, Jennifer
Thank you for following the leading of the Holy Spirit. I recently began working in our small school as a parapro with children who have “behavior problems”. Not one of them has a strong role model in their home. Where are all the godly men to teach and lead our young ones? My prayer is that they come to know our Father so that they will have a sense of belonging to His marvelous family.
This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.
I’ve had my heart wrenched out by wading around in the horrible conditions of orphanages in Haiti. These children have a roof over their head, a mattress to sleep on, the clothes on their back, and a meal or two, daily. That’s it. People who haven’t seen it, don’t believe me.
Even though I am a seasoned nurse with missionary travel under my belt; quite honestly the living conditions make me feel paralyzed and overwhelmed. Fearful is at the very top of the list. And, for all kinds of reasons–not just the physical or psychological condition of the child.
Thank God for your wisdom, insight, sensitvity and understanding. May we move on from here.
I received news today that a little girl with Down syndrome, who had been waiting in Ukraine for 5 years for a family, has passed away.
Reading this post, knowing there are GOOD peole stepping forward on behalf of the orphan makes today a little less sad. I’ve read your book and LOVED it! I borrowed that copy, but am planning on buying one to keep!
I read it on my flight to Bulgaria to bring my two little girls home! What a blessing!
Thank you!
kelly
@Kelly, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have prayed for you and your family this afternoon. In Christ, RDM
“Those of us who know Christ ought to recognize that fear is often a deterrent to justice…”
I’m pretty sure that many people who do not know Christ would also recognize that fear is a deterrent to justice - it is not only Christians who recognize this. In fact it seems to me that it is often Christians who create and disseminate fear.
This post moved me to tears as I reflected on all that God did to adopt me…problems, special needs, and all. I was also very encouraged to read all the comments of brothers and sisters who are adopting or have adopted.
We recently adopted our 2 oldest children, they are 7 and 5. So many of the fears I had prior to becoming their parents seems so foolish and meaningless now. And things we thought were “too much” for us to handle, I now find myself finding great joy in being able to be such a deep part of my children’s growth and healing.
I praise God for opening our eyes to adoption and can’t wait to do it again!