Why I’m Ungrateful
— Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010 —
“If I hear the word ‘Daddy’ again, I’m going to scream!”
I heard myself saying those words. And, in my defense, it was loud around here. I was trying to work on something, and all I could hear were feet pounding down the stairs with four boys competing with one another to tell me one thing after another. I just wanted five minutes of silence.
My vocal chords were still vibrating when an image hit my brain. It was the picture of me, on my face, praying for children. The house was certainly quiet then. And in those years of infertility and miscarriage and seemingly unanswered prayers, I would have given anything to hear steps on that staircase. I feared I would never hear the word “Daddy,” ever, directed to me. Come to think of it, I even wrote a book about the Christian cry of “Abba, Father.”
And now I was annoyed. Why? It wasn’t that I’d changed my mind about the blessing of children. It was that my family had become “normal” to me. In the absence of children, the blessing was forefront on my mind. But in their presence, they’d become expected, part of what I expected from my day-to-day existence. And that’s what’s so dangerous.
Gratitude is spiritual warfare. I’m convinced my turn of imagination that day was conviction of sin, a personal uprooting of my own idolatry by the Spirit of Christ. What I need to fear most is what seems normal to me.
We’re all, in some way or other, in the same place the people of Israel were in in Joshua 23 and 24. Joshua, their warrior-leader, stands before them and recounts all the blessings God has given, reminding them that “not one word has failed of all the good things that the Lord God promised concerning you” (Josh. 23:14a). Joshua said, “All have come to pass for you; not one of them has failed” (Josh. 23:14b).
And yet, as Joshua foretold (and Moses before him), the people would soon be in the land of olive trees and wine presses. These things, what they’d cried for in the wilderness, would soon seem “normal” to them. And, soon enough, they’d crave more and more, so much so that they’d chase after Canaanite idols to get what they wanted.
This is what some philosophers call “hedonic adaptation.” We tend to adjust to the level of happiness or prosperity we have. We grow to expect it, to not even notice it. And then we want more. That’s why it’s so hard for people to come down in standard of living. It’s easy to move from a studio apartment to a two-story house, but it’s awful to do the reverse. Few people have a problem going from a 1985 Ford Fairmont to a brand new BMW, but it’s incomprehensible to go the other direction.
This is the way of all flesh, as it is pulled toward the abyss by the satanic powers. It is always so. The garden of Eden becomes mere vegetation for blinded humans in the beginning. The mountains and caves become mere covering for blinded humans in the end.
The Spirit of Christ draws us toward gratitude because the Spirit convicts us of our creatureliness. We’re dependent on breath, on bread, on love, and these things come, personally, as gifts from a Father (Jas. 1:17).
Is there anything in your life that you’ve grown accustomed to? Is there something you prayed for, fervently, in pleading in its absence that you haven’t prayed for, fervently, in thanksgiving in its presence? There’s several such things in my life, and, I fear, many more that I don’t even think about.
I’m typing this at the kitchen table. I was just interrupted by Moore boys wrestling for the last Little Debbie Cake in the pantry. As soon as I heard “Daddy,” I looked up, even in writing this article, in frustration. But the Spirit still crucifies, still resurrects.
Thank You.
28 Responses to “Why I’m Ungrateful”
Trackbacks
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- What I need to fear most is what seems normal to me. « From My Heart, Out Of My Mind
So I’m not the only one! Thanks for the transparency, searching questions, and humble exhortation. As a father of four boys myself, I needed it!
Really thought provoking, and convicting. Thank you.
Aren’t we glad that our Heavenly Father eagerly awaits our calling out to Him? He is always ready to hear and respond. Great article!
This is beautiful. Thank you Dr. Moore.
This is poignantly insightful, and universal.
I was taken back as I read these words. It is so true! Jesus blessed us with 4 beautiful children in heart and body. I long for those foot steps eventhough they are now adults we look forward to their children’s foot steps. Thank You Jesus for the privilege to raise your children! We Love You Jesus!
I was in the EXACT same position last night as my two year old beckoned me to a wrestling match before he went to bed. I was finishing up work on the computer and I shrugged him off like an annoying afterthought.
Thanks for making a grown man cry over his own wretchedness; we are truly in need of his mercies every morning!
What a great message that reinforced for me, again, how self-centered I am, and how often I fail to appreciate how much our loving God has provided me.
Also, some good friends of ours recently lost their 23 year old son in Afghanistan, which makes your message even more poignant.
Convicting and encouraging at the same time. As a father of four boys 3 years and under, I needed to be reminded. Thank you.
I was once told serveral years ago by a beautiful elderly saint in our church that lives alone, she said with love and sadness in her time tested weathered eyes “where there is silence there is death, where there is noise there is life”. This is one those beyond words statements that drops you where you stand and actually still does for my wife and I. We try to welcome the noise of our children because one day that noise will cease and we will long for what we once tried to snuff out.
Thanks for these thoughts!! They have definitely challenged me to think through what I’m thankful for today. Blessings.
Thanks (once again - you keep doing that, Russ) for bringing tears to my eyes. I recalled my decision to walk away from a fast-track, highly visible, personally-fulfilling ministry as a Navy Chaplain - which was living out a life-long dream to be a Naval Officer from years before my conversion - in order to live in small towns, with small churches, because my 3 young daughters needed a father who was at home.
Two of the three are in the kitchen right now; we spent four days with other one and her family last weekend. There is nothing can can match the joy - and therefore the necessity of great thanksgiving to a gracious God - than seeing your kids following Jesus and living happy, fulfilled lives.
Was it Merlo who put George Bernard Shaw’s words to song - Youth is wasted on the young. Perhaps it is more true that maturity is wasted on the mature.
Dr. Moore, thank you for this post. I’ve saved this link for future reference when I undoubtedly take something for granted 10 years (or sooner) from now. I cannot help but think how many marriages are ruined after years of ingratitude.
Even now, though, I am convicted by this article. I prayed for a younger sibling for years, and once I got one, I all too soon started ignoring him “because of the age difference” and other things. How wicked of me! God, be merciful! … None of us are promised tomorrow; let us be grateful while we can. So true, Dr. Moore … Thank you.
Dr. Moore this is definitely something I needed to both read and hear. In the past my experience has been that person that forgets to give thanksgiving in a lot of things.
I desired marriage and God blessed me with a wonderful wife and I fail to thank Him everyday for this gift and I also fail because I do not always treat His gift with love and respect.
Thank you for reminding me that there are areas of my life in which I desperately need to grow.
Tremendous words of wisdom and counsel. Thank you!