Why Are So Many Men Hooked on Internet Porn & Video Games?
— Monday, July 23rd, 2012 —
You know the guy I’m talking about. He spends hours into the night playing video games and surfing for pornography. He fears he’s a loser. And he has no idea just how much of a loser he is. For some time now, studies have shown us that porn and gaming can become compulsive and addicting. What we too often don’t recognize, though, is why.
In a new book, The Demise of Guys: Why Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It, psychologists Philip Zimbardo and Nikita Duncan say we may lose an entire generation of men to pornography and video gaming addictions. Their concern isn’t about morality, but instead about the nature of these addictions in reshaping the patten of desires necessary for community.
If you’re addicted to sugar or tequila or heroin you want more and more of that substance. But porn and video games both are built on novelty, on the quest for newer and different experiences. That’s why you rarely find a man addicted to a single pornographic image. He’s entrapped in an ever-expanding kaleidoscope.
There’s a key difference between porn and gaming. Pornography can’t be consumed in moderation because it is, by definition, immoral. A video game can be a harmless diversion along the lines of a low-stakes athletic competition. But the compulsive form of gaming shares a key element with porn: both are meant to simulate something, something for which men long.
Pornography promises orgasm without intimacy. Video warfare promises adrenaline without danger. The arousal that makes these so attractive is ultimately spiritual to the core.
Satan isn’t a creator but a plagiarist. His power is parasitic, latching on to good impulses and directing them toward his own purpose. God intends a man to feel the wildness of sexuality in the self-giving union with his wife. And a man is meant to, when necessary, fight for his family, his people, for the weak and vulnerable who are being oppressed.
The drive to the ecstasy of just love and to the valor of just war are gospel matters. The sexual union pictures the cosmic mystery of the union of Christ and his church. The call to fight is grounded in a God who protects his people, a Shepherd Christ who grabs his sheep from the jaws of the wolves.
When these drives are directed toward the illusion of ever-expanding novelty, they kill joy. The search for a mate is good, but blessedness isn’t in the parade of novelty before Adam. It is in finding the one who is fitted for him, and living with her in the mission of cultivating the next generation. When necessary, it is right to fight. But God’s warfare isn’t forever novel. It ends in a supper, and in a perpetual peace.
Moreover, these addictions foster the seemingly opposite vices of passivity and hyper-aggression. The porn addict becomes a lecherous loser, with one-flesh union supplanted by masturbatory isolation. The video game addict becomes a pugilistic coward, with other-protecting courage supplanted by aggression with no chance of losing one’s life. In both cases, one seeks the sensation of being a real lover or a real fighter, but venting one’s reproductive or adrenal glands over pixilated images, not flesh and blood for which one is responsible.
Zimbardo and Duncan are right, this is a generation mired in fake love and fake war, and that is dangerous. A man who learns to be a lover through porn will simultaneously love everyone and no one. A man obsessed with violent gaming can learn to fight everyone and no one.
The answer to both addictions is to fight arousal with arousal. Set forth the gospel vision of a Christ who loves his bride and who fights to save her. And then let’s train our young men to follow Christ by learning to love a real woman, sometimes by fighting his own desires and the spirit beings who would eat him up. Let’s teach our men to make love, and to make war . . . for real.
This post was originally published on the Desiring God blog in advance of speaking at their upcoming conference (Sept. 28–30).
As someone who is a survivor of addiction to the latter, and battles the temptation everyday (as 90% of Christian men do), I can appreciate this article. I love what you wrote, Russell, about fighting “arousal with arousal”.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist or clinical psychologist to know that addiction is most powerful in isolation and enclosure. When I was fighting that addiction at it’s most powerful, being out among brothers in Christ, spending time in the Word, just being outside in God’s creation and basking in the glory of it and Him, were the most powerful combatants of the desire for low-tech or high-tech porn.
My wife and I took our little girl to a McDonald’s playland recently and there were two little boys who were running roughshod over the whole playground. They tried tickling my daughter (she’s 20 months, they were 9 and 6, respectively) and were violating everyone’s space. All while this was going on, their father was sitting over in the corner playing a racing game on his iPad. He was around 40 years of age. Not only are his kids suffering from his lack of inattention and probable addiction to technology, but he is missing out on valuable bonding time with them. Time that, when he is 80, he will, or should, reflect back on and feel some sadness about. Boys will be boys, but men should be men.
It is my prayer that men who suffer with these addictions and distractions be freed from them by flinging themselves at the Cross and into the beauty and love of Jesus Christ. This generation could be lost, but the Shepard knows where all his sheep are at and will do anything in His power to reach them. It’s up to the sheep to desire to be found!
By way of introduction, I am co-founder and Director of Battle Plan Ministries, … a discipleship ministry at Central Church in Collierville, TN, for Christian men who’re trying to walk free from obsessive-compulsive, often addictive, sexual sin patterns in their lives.
I believe Dr. Moore’s blog nails the essence of both the present and the future of our man-kind if this cultural plague of obsessive porn and gaming are not replaced with the only eternally healthy addiction there is for men in our culture; … and that is an addiction to a deep/abiding relationship with Christ.
Not too long ago our church had what is called a “cardboard testimony” day. Some of you may have seen these, … where a series of born-again Christians come across stage holding a large cardboard. On one side is printed one phrase summarizing what that person’s life was like BEFORE they came to a saved relationship with Christ. The other side proclaims, in a few words, what life is now like AFTER that one came to know Christ as Lord/Savior.
On the before side of my own cardboard testimony was printed - “Addicted to porn.” On the other side I had written in large letters … “Addicted to God’s word.” And this expressed how discipleship in Christ had brought me to do what Dr. Moore is proposing as the antidote to the porn/gaming tsunami sweeping our culture.
Unfortunately I don’t see the Church (collectively or individually) willing to take on this ministry/mission effort. How many churches have dedicated, budgeted, and named ministry which forthrightly do battle in the realm of discipleship to help men - and now boys - to walk free from the destructive weapons being used by Satan to derail Christian males in our culture.
When we started Battle Plan Ministry in our church in May of 2000, I could not find one church in America with a ministry like the one we were starting in our church. Now, 12 years later and having helped scores of men walk in freedom from porn and gaming, I see only a very few churches who now have a dedicated discipleship ministry helping our men/boys to find the strength to walk strong and stand against the wiles of the enemy in this area of behaviorally compulsive sin.
I stand here willing to help any church start and develop an effective ministry to help your men walk free from habitual sexual sin. You can learn about and contact us at http://battleplanministries.org .
Ive read your article a few times in recent months. First I want to say how much I appreciate hearing these words. Yet I think two points that you allude to but never quite arrive at, perhaps because of length restraints, is another connection between pornography and gaming and the inherit problem that it propitates yet avoid.
Without trying to sound overly simplistic, both of these issues are grounded in the sin of pride. What makes pornography, at least in part, so attractive is the ability to pick and choose what “lover” to arrive on that night. Not only this but all the women groping for your attention. There is no fear of rejection. Outside of the problems this creates with unrealistic expectations of future or current spouses, the avoidance of real life decision making processes (requires no backbone to pursue women in these instances), the watcher is always at the center of his own virtual universe where women are pawing and fretting over him at all times. He is a self-appointed king of his own virtual universe.
Which leads to video gaming that also enables men to be at the center of their own self-appointed kingdom. In every single game, the most important role played is you as the player. You are the one who transforms the world. You are always the hero. Even the screen, the environment, saved games, graphics, all pan around you and your every desire. Power ups are used at your discreetion, how you develop as a character is up to you but no matter what all things are about you. Surely both of these, pornography and gaming, lead to an inflates and are spawned from a sinful and prideful heart.
It naturally makes sense that men are instinctly, carnally of course, to a play where you exist as the king of your own dominion and all the people, virtual creatures, and women bow down before you and obey your every command.
What this then presses (propitates as i said earlier) is an ever increasing alignment to the virtual world to avoid true life rejection and hardships of this one. Men seek the virtual world to avoid the natural one. But by doing so, they inevitably make handling conflict, rejection, and other negative aspects of life inceasinkg more difficult because they never experience or have to cope with it. The problem of rejection only gets redirected/shifted but continues to grow as an ever increasing problem. Also In the virtual world, its easy to lose track of time. Nor do men alwsy care about time. you are always king/god/a winner and its easy to run to virtual relationships because they never fail or reject you. They always say yes in whatever way imaginable.
This recalls to me an article and idea that I read years ago. Some of the worst death row inmates were immensely addicted to pornography (interview with Dr. J. Dobson and Ted Bundy). But many were also very socially ill adjusted and unable to cope with basic rejections of life. They were loners and continually sufferesd with very basic adaptions of life until they finally snap. I cannot help but wonder if men continue on this path of withdrawal from otherw, isolated to pornography and gaming, whether this generation will continue to become increasingly violent (shootings, abuse of all kinds, etc).
@Steven Stutzman,
You are absolutely correct. I have been debating on whether I should give up video games or not…sure, they can be permissible and you could even play them in a more righteous mindset. But the design of the game, the very natural inclination or instinct, is to be God insofar as the game lets you. I always wondered why I always preferred virtual reality over the natural…and I think Jesus remedies this issue in so many ways when he told us to pray: “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” HIS will, not mine. This is key, it destroys pride and gives you a greater joy in reality and causes you to long for heavenly things, imperishable and uncorrupted. Thank you for your insight..I greatly appreciate it. I think I will continue refraining from gaming because it causes more problems than anything…
I think refraining will keep us from “making provisions for the flesh” so we don’t gratify its desires. Its preventing an opportunity to slip, keeping us from temptation (romans 13:14)
“And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, rwith knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent” (Phil 1:9-10_
Thanks again!
This was a great post Russell. I am grateful to Brandon Cox (http://twitter.com/brandonacox) for tweeting this link. I will be spreading the word too.
I valued greatly how you highlighted the spiritual aspect of both love and war, showing us that God indeed is the creator of both, but for a specific purpose.
The sadness of the reality of what you have written, is that women will remain devoid of that which God has placed in them (Your desire will be for your husband) as men will simply not be present to fulfil this role, themselves being devoid of the the responsibility that God has placed in them (he [husband] will rule over you).
Men will furthermore pat themselves on the back and feel a sense of accomplishment in defeating the “enemy”, instead of getting out into the real world and making a real difference and defeating the real enemies plans and schemes (poverty, injustice, etc.).
May God bless you as you continue to share this word.
God bless
Darryl
I do wonder, with respect, if the problem is as prevalent as people like yourself make it out to be. Maybe I’ve had a sheltered life, but I’m simply not convinced that this is a widespread problem. Do you have any statistics to support your claims?
@Pete Jones, this is a very widespread problem, it doesn’t require any statistics to support it: it’s obvious, just look at the news. I may be only fourteen, but I know that this is a battle we all have to face, at my age, it’s even harder; going against the flow of most of the kids my age and standing up for what I know is right.
I certainly agree with the conclusions reached here, but I also think that the church ought to assume some responsibility as well. Without an articulate political vision (i.e. concrete things to do) for its congregation, it might be difficult for men to take Christianity seriously. The division in America between politics and faith is not only sloppy but damaging as well.
@Steven Stutzman, I totally agree with the pron issue but the video game attack really needs to stop. I know of plenty of families who “game” together and adjust fine to life. I also know plenty of people who play Wii and Kinnect at social gatherings and fun is had by all. Not all games are about violence and not all games are about conquering a kingdom. There are plenty about sports, Puzzle (i,e Portal), Dance, Fitness and the list keeps growing. Also, and I know that most fo you have never set step in an nursing home or rehab but maybe you all should actually go in the real world and check them out and see how the Wii
Sorry got cut off… and see how the Wii is being used to the elderly engaged in life and doing things they used to be able before they became old. Or in the case of rehab how it helps with motor control etc.
There are always cases of people taking it too far but that does not mean that the entire industry needs to always come under attack nor should it be in comparison to something as morally wrong as porn.
One last thing if games that allow you to be heroes and allow you to interact with your creative side are bad then Lord of the Rings, Narnia, and many of Dekkers works need to be called out as well as they promotes fantasy just as much as any games does.
@Jon Goertz,
Maybe we should play just a Wii bit more….
@Jon Goertz, this isn’t an attack against all video games, but against ones with excessive killing, and against the over-indulgence in video games. They are fun, and my parents and I have spent many afternoons playing frisbee golf or bowling together. But games like that are only okay in moderatioon, and we should look to interact outside of video games. For example, would you say that it’s okay for someone to just sit alone and play murderous video games for 8 hours a day?
If anything I believe the church could take a few cues from video games. Why does church have to be so boring? Why can’t we use game dynamics and game design to make church more engaging? It saddens me that we continue to respond out of fear instead of taking what affects us and use it for the positive. I say it is high time for the church to begin to lead the charge culturally and use games in a positive way to influence people towards Christ and not away from what is perceived as evil.
I think you hit the nail on the head…. For the most part.
Your analysis of porn is spot on, but your critique of video games is rather limited. What about games that families play together, or non-war games. Puzzle games? Story driven games? Racing games? Or anything for leisure?
I absolutely agree that games can be so consuming that it becomes a sin but I never really understood the comparison to porn. I think it’s a poor comparison that stems from a lack of understanding.
To those that believe they are truly heroic for conquering a mission in a video game, then maybe this comparison is for you. But I don’t think that is the majority of gamers. I have no idea why games get portrayed that way.
If I am blind to something, please reveal to me what I’m missing. Thanks!
I appreciate that you want to talk about this issue, Russell, but I feel like you need to write more about the solution to the problem rather than cause of it. One short paragraph at the end of your post is not sufficient. It’s too easy to just say that Jesus is the cure for these problems (ultimately he’s the cure for any problem), you need to expound this idea in more detail. How does the love of Christ replace the desire for lust? How can a man addicted to porn or video games experience the love of Christ in a way that will change his heart? These are questions you should be answering. But I do appreciate your desire to talk about this “taboo” subject.
@Jon David, I agree. Share solutions.
(Yes, the topic is taboo, so thank-you for talking about it, again.)
Yes, the solution is in Christ, but often men hear yet again how ‘bad’ they are, and what they must do, do, do, do to stop.
Here is one solution which has worked for us: fill your ears with Good News, of the extreme kind, such as Joseph Prince: Set free from sin through Grace, or Condemnation Kills, but the Spirit gives life. We listened to these teachings over and over and over, and found faith rising in our hearts, to actually come to a place of believing that Christ died for our addictions, that we could come as we are, He does not condemn, and He loves the porn addict. When we discover His love for us in our sin, (not first repent, then He will love…but let Him love me, even though I am full of sin…you can take my word for it, the desire disappears when you start believing the Good News. Christ centred news…Christ made all the difference by His death on the cross, porn does not take Him by surprise
I don’t understand the point of attacking pornography and video games at the same time. Not in just this article but in all these books and studies mentioned above. The issue with video games is not as similar to the issue with pornography as many would like to think. They both involve pixels, sure, but that’s about it.
Moore says: “But the compulsive form of gaming shares a key element with porn: both are meant to simulate something, something for which men long.” but does that exclude other addictions?
With pornography, we are primarily talking about lust (among many other issues of course). A very specific struggle. With video games, we are talking more about an issue of time and resource management. And these are very broad issues.
Addiction to video games is more in the category of guys addicted to movies, comic books, collecting toys, or working on cars. Spending too much time and money on these things is indeed a spiritual matter and worth discussion but to imply that it is wrong to seek “adrenaline without danger” and that “The video game addict becomes a pugilistic coward, with other-protecting courage supplanted by aggression with no chance of losing one’s life” doesn’t seem to be grounded in anything biblical or factual.
Are we trying to compare a video game player with a military soldier? Because that seems unfair to a video game player who wishes he did enter the military, or to the military guy who plays video games.
Comparing “valor of just war” to military video games is missing the point of video games!
My point is: Why is it wrong to seek adrenaline without danger? I’m not clear on that… and who’s to say that a video game addict is always a coward? Perhaps they are simply an addict, which is bad enough, but they may maintain other admirable qualities including being courageous, adventurous and so forth. You can only assert they are bad time managers, addicted to their virtual sport. Just as with those addicted to porn. You can only assert they are lustful beings. It would take more information about that person before you can say they are predators or sexually aggressive, for examples.
I understand that behind every addiction, someone is misplacing their worship, but a man that desires sexual intimacy above Christ is a very different issue from a man that desires to be #1 on their digital team. Different enough anyway. Grouping these two issues together is confusing to me.
My ex husband is addicted to pornography.When I went to his parents for help with the issues, “boys will be boys” was the response. He lives a double live, Church going on Sundays, playing the dutiful father, but with secret relationships and addictions in the dark. No one around him, brothers, men of the church, or his father seem to care. They are busy with their own lives, yet the lives of my children has been devastated. My children do not know about the addictions their father is consumed by, but know something is wrong. Yet I sadly see no end to his secret behavior. God has been good to carry me through, provide for me and protect my children.
You closed your article with this summary:
“Let’s teach our men to make love, and to make war . . . for real.”
Are you kidding? Your solution to disengaging young men from video game violence is to put a gun in their hands and send them to war? And what if there aren’t any wars available—should we start one so men can channel their energies into a worthwhile pasttime?
If you need an adrenaline rush, try witnessing or living a holy life in front of your colleagues and friends. The Bible says “All who will live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.” That should give you the rush you crave and it’ll do more to change our world than seeking to get high on bloodshed.
@D.A. Jacques, that’s not what he’s saying. He’s saying that IF you have to fight a war, to do it for real, and not on a video game. He isn’t saying that we should go start wars.
“Let’s teach our men to make love, and to make war . . . for real.”
Erm, except for that war part, as Jesus tells us not to kill (Matt. 5:43-44).
Good article, but be careful Dr. Moore with lumping porn with gaming, as there is NOTHING redeeming about porn, but in terms of games, these can often be a good vehicle for families to spend time together (and what’s the difference between a family-level video game and a board game, when played together as a family?)
@Rob, war is an exception. Let’s say an attacking army was marching toward your home, would Jesus want you to just sit around and let the army walk all over you? No! He wants us to fight, He wants us to protect and defend our homes to our last breath.
First off I want to say fantastic blog! I had a quick question in which I’d like to ask if you don’t mind.
I was curious to find out how you center yourself and clear your mind before writing.
I’ve had a tough time clearing my mind in getting my thoughts out there. I truly do take pleasure in writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are usually wasted just trying to figure out how to begin. Any ideas or tips? Thank you!
Short word, I think it is partly because men feel totally out of control in an increasingly women controlled world, in porn they are in control, in video games they are in total control and aways win, or they can start over, the other part is the spiritual part, where men refuse to go to church church again where they are asked to hug each other in public, tell the person next to you who you may not know how great they look, sing love songs to another man (Jesus) I’m not saying they are right, just tired of the feminization of the church and all it’s functions, if there is one thing that a man hated it’s being shouted at by his Mother or his wife, but the thing he hates even more than that is to be shouted at by another mans’ wife