Adopted for Life, Ten Years Later: What I’ve Learned Since
— Friday, July 27th, 2012 —
Ten years ago today, my wife and I walked out of a Russian orphanage with two little one year-old boys. Suddenly, for the first time, I was a father and she was a mother. Suddenly, little Maxim was “Benjamin Jacob Moore” and little Sergei was “Timothy Russell Moore.” Everything changed, for all of us, for life.
As I’ve written in the book, God used this experience to upend my whole life. He taught me much about his Fatherhood, much about the gospel, much about community, and much about the mission of the church. But people sometimes ask me, “In the years since, what have you learned about becoming a family through adoption?”
The main thing is that convictions forged there in the July heat of the former Soviet Union have only crystallized more. As the father of five now, some by that adoption and some by the more typical way, I’m as convinced as ever that adoption, into a family or into the Family of God, is “real.” There is no such thing in God’s economy as an “adopted child,” only a child who was adopted into the family. “Adopted” defines how you came into the household, but it doesn’t define you as some other sort of family member. In the Book of Romans, Paul defines all Christians, both Jew and Gentile, as having received a common “spirit of adoption” (Rom. 8:15; 9:4).
I have also learned a lot about the difficulty of adoption. We were blessed when we received our two sons, but we didn’t know how hard it would be. We’d never had children before, so we simply adjusted to the new normal. Because the boys had never had solid food, one of them was traumatized by the texture of food, would pack it into his cheeks, and gag. Teaching him to eat was the most stressful thing I’ve ever lived through, as I would sit by his chair and coax, “Chew! Chew!” At one point, I turned to Maria and said, “Wait! I, for the first time, really get the whole ‘milk to meat’ concept of the New Testament.” But then our son vomited all that food up, and my exegetical insight was gone.
My grandmother used to always say about the Depression, what I’ve heard almost everyone from that era say, “We were poor but we didn’t know we were poor.” I can relate. Adjusting to life in a new home that first year was difficult, but we didn’t really know it. They were our sons and we just loved and disciplined and laughed our way through it. When our next child was born to us, as an infant, we looked at one another about six months in and said, “This is so incredibly easy!”
I think things would have been very different, if we’d panicked over every pile of hoarded food we found in the house or every fit thrown. If we’d tried to relate all of that back to some kind of possible adoption horror story, or tried to assign a syndrome to all of it, we probably never would have gelled together as we did, as a family. But we did, and we are.
That joyful hardship is exactly like its gospel equivalent in the Spirit of adopting grace. Sometimes we, as a church, don’t recognize how alien a new family seems. People in our midst come to know Christ; they learn to cry out “Abba,” but there’s still a long, hard adjustment to make. Sometimes they wonder if they’re welcome because they don’t know how to find Haggai in their Bibles, or because they don’t have any Vacation Bible School memories, or because they still crave cocaine. If the church is the household of God, we don’t see these struggling, anxious new believers as our guests or our ministry projects. They’re our brothers and sisters. It’s no burden to walk alongside them, steadying the cross on their backs. It’s just what you do, when you’re family.
Ten years later, these boys are growing up and I’m proud of them. We’re going to celebrate “Moore Day” today, and I’m going to retell the story of that transition from orphanage to dinner table. And I’m going to remember that I made the same transition, and tell myself an Old, Old Story too. But, most of all, I’m just going to thank God, as I remember these two little emaciated orphans in that institution far away, and look and see them sitting, together, as a family.
They are my beloved sons, and with them I am well-pleased.
34 Responses to “Adopted for Life, Ten Years Later: What I’ve Learned Since”
Trackbacks
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Beautiful…love that you referred to adoption as an event rather than something that defines our children’s role in the family.
Dr. Moore-
What’s on the menu for the Moore Day dinner?
Cornbread and beans?
Fancier food?
Any Saltlick BBQ or Blue Bell Ice Cream on the table?
Congratulations on ten years toward a lifetime.
Blessings.
This was a very encouraging post. Although our first foray into adoption (from foster care) didn’t go well, we are still hopeful that God increase our family. Thanks for sharing your story.
loved reading this book, and i have felt the same way about having an adopted son. it has clarified and illuminated the biblical perspective on spiritual adoption.
Beautiful sir. Thank you for sharing.
Dr. Moore,
Congratulations! Happy Moore Day!
My wife and I are currently in the process of adopting a little boy, and through this process I have come to see a little better the other side of the gospel — the costly, planned pursuit of our adopting God. It’s been a nerve-wrecking, eye-opening, faith-building journey as we’ve already had one adoption fall through. Yet through it all, I discovered such confidence and peace in the truth that God purposely set His love on me [!?!] and predestined me for adoption as his son through Jesus Christ. I never really “saw” the majesty of that truth until I set out on this journey.
Anyway, I am so happy for your family on this 10th “Moore Day.” God used your passion for adoption while I was at SBTS to open my heart to this path. So, thank you!
@Justin Runyan, Well-said!
Happy Moore Day! We’re just a bit behind you… only about 9 years and 50 weeks. ;) We just brought Zoe home from Taiwan two weeks ago.
What a wonderful story!
Dear Dr. Moore,
I look forward to receiving your posts by email. None, however, have struck me as much as this one. You have provided me with the words my heart felt all along. Adoption is how our son entered our family, but does not define our relationship. He is simply our son.
It was a pleasure meeting you at Summit and being able to interview you. You spoke there, in person, as you do here — with such grace.
I look forward to hearing more from you,
Kim de Blecourt
Dr. Moore,
Thank you for your family’s faithfulness to adoption and being a voice of encouragement to those of us who are adopting.
Thank you so much for your post! I’d like to “join the chorus” of those who can confirm and echo just about all you have shared here–we’ll celebrate our 10th “Gotcha Day” this fall.
The blessings and challenges of seeing God’s grace on display in and through adopting our two Russian-born daughters (ages 9 & 12 yrs. at adoption) almost 10 years ago have been priceless and life-changing.
I still marvel at how God called and enabled us to do some “power parenting” by building our family this way–after 19 yrs. of marriage & no children–but even more amazing is the “power sanctification” God has brought over the past 10 years. To God be the glory!! Praying for a precious and memorable “Moore Day” in your home today.
Thank you for sharing. “People in our midst come to know Christ; they learn to cry out “Abba,” but there’s still a long, hard adjustment to make” I can really relate with this quote. I’m still in the process of adjustment. I’m looking forward to the day I feel “comfortable” in my family.
beautiful!! blessings on your family…
Beautiful!
My collection of nieces and nephews includes 3 young men who were born in Russia but became part of our family several years ago. They have had ups and downs, but they are fiercely loved and part of the fabric that is our family.
As a mother of one biological and two adopted children, I read this with great satisfaction and interest, until you veered off and started relating it to the church–then I almost burst into tears. As one who sits in church evey Sunday with a lot of baggage, I’m relieved to see that there are those who recognize the “joyful hardship” of accepting grace. Thank you. There is hope for the church.
So true…. we have had the blessing of adopting 5 children and having 11 others by birth… even 16 years later I am often asked “who are the adopted ones” and I have to think about it, I truly often do not remember right off… they are simply my children.